Sunday, October 30, 2011

Costumez

 Well it's that time of year again.  You know, that time of year when you realize that Halloween is actually TOMORROW and you haven't got a costume yet, so you go to the store to look for a costume and what you actually find is a costumez.

You've seen costumez before.  You probably just thought the costume store got their shipment mixed up with Victoria's Secret.
 Fairiez costumez
 Devilz costumez

 Hermionez Grangerz costumez
 Cheerleaderz costumez  (That's not actually a costume!!)

 It's, like, all the stores will sell.  I'm very much against costumez.  And I would love to say it's for some noble moral reason, but it's not.  I'm opposed to costumez because I'M ANNOYED!!  WHY DO BOYS GET ALL THE AWESOME COSTUMES???!?!?

 However I've always believed in expressing my opinions in very peaceful and democratic ways.
 So this year, I've put a pretty awesome plan in action that will eliminate costumez altogether!!

It goes something like this:
 I discreetly hide somewhere at a costume party.
 When no one is paying attention...

I ATTACK!!!!
 RAAAAAWR!!!

EEEEEEP!!  (girl scream)
 
 scufflescufflescuffle

 ..in which...

The costumez undergoes FULL TRANSFORMATION!!! (Thanks to my awesome thrift-store shopping skillz.)


Because, see, if girls knew they could actually have, you know, real costumes, then maybe the stores would finally sell wookie suits in our size!  We must end the madnesz.  Starting with me.


 
 Yes.  Yes you can.
 Boys love a girl with a brain!
 I know it's shocking.


I've even put together a logo for the movement:
 I'm not sure it's overt enough i might need to add more blood.

...sorry mom.

 Anyways, all I need now is to be invited to some Halloween parties!  You too could have a piece of this:

 
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25 comments:

  1. P. Daniel QuinneyOctober 30, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. HeatherOctober 30, 2011 at 9:33 PM

    Freaking. Awesome.

    This is possibly the greatest thing I've ever seen. I've been dying to see this since we discussed it last month. I can't even begin to tell you how giddy your post has made me. Seriously, I feel entertained, vindicated, and pleased all at once. Skanky Halloween costumes (which is, really, 99% of storebought female costumes) are one of my biggest pet peeves.

    Between our boycott of all things Trunk-or-Treat and the crusade against costumez, you and I will single-handedly bring Halloween back from the brink of lameness.

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  3. Gio M.October 30, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    These are real humorous.great stuff all around.

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  4. LindsayOctober 30, 2011 at 11:03 PM

    i think my last comment got erased... but yeah.. sooo... basically i said, you're the epidemy of cool geekdom and i want to kiss your feet for this post. my only wish is that i could have known you better during school so we could have pulled pranks on people... *sigh*

    oh and i should mention my verification word last time was...wait for it...
    LICABILI.

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  5. Jon LankryOctober 31, 2011 at 4:54 AM

    i'm so sad, Halloween in France is not interesting, people don't care here :(
    But i understand what you feel, i will support you haha :)

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  6. JulieOctober 31, 2011 at 5:21 AM

    There is a lot of truth to what you say. If people would realize just how awful those costumes look on them they would be appalled. Thanks for the post Heather!

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  7. ShelbyOctober 31, 2011 at 7:28 AM

    Awesome! I would love to find a wookie costume...

    But I agree costumez are stupid. Seriously, I'm pretty sure if there ever *was* a little red riding hood she didn't wear a skirt short enought that you can see those straps that hold up her long socks and her underwear.

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  8. The AndimatorOctober 31, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    I think my favorite image in this one is the "burning of the costume store." The face is priceless--reminds me a little of Fizzgigg from "The Dark Crystal," but 10x crazier.

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  9. Lori M. LeeOctober 31, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    I can't even tell you how much I love this post LOL.

    Bubblegum on the bottom of a shoe IS brilliant XD

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  10. Joe FowlerOctober 31, 2011 at 10:39 AM

    This is the best post you have ever done! Loved it! I didn't get past the first 4 pictures though. What was the rest about?

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  11. ldsjaneiteOctober 31, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    I love this post! Especially all of your costume fixings. But the very best part is the boy's Ewok costume! *sigh*

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  12. EOctober 31, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    Down with costumez! I always get so depressed when I look at Facebook the day after Halloween...so much...nakkid...
    It doesn't help that so many females in the pop culture canon dress pretty skimpy already.
    Next year I'm going as Geena Davis from A League of Their Own. There's no crying in baseball!!

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  13. UnknownOctober 31, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    Loved it! Every girl should read this post before being allowed to choose a Halloween costume(z)!

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  14. Bonnie @ A Backwards StoryOctober 31, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    My favorite thing EVER!! This is awesome. And so true, too. You can tell that men make costumes for women. Yay, a holiday to prance around practically naked while the guys get to cover up, whoo-hoo!

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  15. Aaron LudwigNovember 1, 2011 at 9:41 AM

    Having a daughter will make you realize just how "eye candy"-geared everything for women is.
    Love your solution.

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  16. Hermana MawNovember 1, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    So. Very. Awesome!

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  17. AnonymousNovember 2, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    ... and this is why I always make my costumes! So I won't end up with one of those hideous costumez!

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  18. AbbyNovember 2, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    I think I love you! You're my hero!
    You're amazing!
    Also, I have captured Hannah, I will send you an image soon.
    BWAHAHAHA!!!!!

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  19. gjzauggNovember 6, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    ok i agree with you sooo much!!!
    and the art that goes with this movement... um i LOVE IT!!!
    what happened to creative costumes anyways!?!? it's all about the boobs and legs these days

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  20. RamonaNovember 6, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    I totally agree with the 100 percent! Halloween is just another excuse for girls to dress slutty. Urg, it annoys me. Even when you go right away to get your costume they are slutty versions. So this year I was the hunchback of notre dame. Full costume. People were shocked, but they loved it. Anywho, love this post and your blog.

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  21. ClaireNovember 11, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Oh my goodness YES. THANKYOU! Why do women have to resort to dressing like themed prostitutes on Halloween? That's NOT FUN (unless you're a zombie prostitute... Which could happen). Geez, lemme be a Wookie, or Nightwing or as you say *gasp* something actually scary!
    It's not a huge tradition in NZ to dress up (we're getting there), but the costumez are, unfortunately, one of the first things that has been adopted... ERGH.

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  22. Ben ClantonNovember 12, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    really funny!

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  23. LinWashNovember 17, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    This post made me laugh out loud!

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  24. FunaekNovember 18, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    Hilarious and so true! I hate how all girls' Halloween costumes are sexy-fied? Your ideas are way better. Gum on the bottom of a shoe; Where's Waldo - Genius.

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  25. AnonymousJuly 12, 2013 at 5:35 AM

    Okay, okay.... one day, I went shopping for a costume..... and BUMMER for me- I COULD NOT FIND IT. NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GO, HEATHER! Destroy the cosTUENZ, and fulfill your DESTINY!!!!!
    So, can I help too? Cause I want to.

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