Saturday, September 14, 2013

Mounds of Mounties

When I'm ruler of Can-mer'ca
(And Florida's sunk into the sea)


When my tyranny's established
Then I'll make just one decree:

Every Mountie in Ca-nah-dah
With their gorgie little hats 


With their gorgie little bootsies
And their tunics, breeches, spats


WILL BE MY SLAVES


I'll gather them like tribbles
in my Mountie-catcher truck


Take them to my Mountie Mansion

(Oh those lucky duck Canucks) 

I'll have Mounties in the kitchens


I'll have Mounties in the halls


If there's Mounties at the fences 


I'll have Mounties on my walls 


They'll feed me grapes by poolside
They'll feed me Lean Cuisine


They'll love, adore, and fear me
As their reigning Mountie Queen.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Soon, my friends.  Soon.  All I need to do is wait for the government to become completely corrupt, then I take over.  So, obviously, not long.

On a completely related note...Did you hear Bill Nye the Science Guy is on Dancing With The Stars this season??


You cannot make these things up.  I'm totally pumped.  I'm gonna watch every episode.  Even if I'm scared out of my mind about seeing him do moves like THIS


I'll be strong.  My innocence might crawl into a corner and die, but I will be strong.

Why is my innocence so small??
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21 comments:

  1. LeaHSeptember 14, 2013 at 10:02 AM

    I look forward to the day you're supreme dictator of Can-Merica... America should be more like Canada, they eat everything with syrup and have meese in their backyards. Sounds like a good time

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  2. Jenilyn CollingsSeptember 14, 2013 at 12:14 PM

    Can I come visit you in your Mountie Mansion? Because I love this idea and fully support it. Clearly you'll be a terrific Mountie Queen.

    I did not know about Bill Nye...I will have to check it out. ;-)

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  3. JohannaSeptember 14, 2013 at 6:41 PM

    I shall be your humble subject...

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  4. LinWashSeptember 15, 2013 at 5:59 AM

    Mounties as pool boys? Yeah!
    And I'm totally with you on Bill Nye the Science Guy on Dancing with the Stars. Who's next--Diego from Dora the Explorer (if animated characters could somehow be on the show)?

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  5. dixon.marySeptember 15, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    Love all of it!!

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  6. DrewSeptember 16, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    Brilliant, as ever. I should say that one panel in particular does speak to a certain childhood nightmare of mine in which my grandpa was a hunter (which he wasn't), and had a bunch of mounted human heads in his basement. (Then, of course, they all came alive and started talking to me, which was even freakier, and let's not even talk about what happened to their bodies.) But it's still great! We will come visit your land and buy Mountie-related merchandise.

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  7. BetsySeptember 16, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    You just made me go search out Due South on Youtube. My laundry will never get done at this rate.

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  8. GlennSeptember 16, 2013 at 7:07 PM

    Heather did this same thing to her brothers when she was growing up. She does come and dust them occasionally.

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  9. SamSeptember 17, 2013 at 12:45 PM

    This post made me laugh many times over. Good job.

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  10. Darling BookwormSeptember 17, 2013 at 3:24 PM

    I wondered why you asked to practice your taxidermy on me.

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  11. Heather DixonSeptember 18, 2013 at 9:49 PM

    I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD BE MY LOYAL SUBJECTS!!

    I'm going to make you all members of my Cabinet. It comes with a hat.

    @LinWash - Diego is a hottie. YES to this. (It will be my second decree.)

    @Drew - What are you talking about, that's not a nightmare, that's a freakin DREAM COME TRUE! I wish I had cool dreams like that.

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  12. UnknownSeptember 25, 2013 at 3:37 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. HannahSeptember 25, 2013 at 3:39 PM

    HAHAHA this is so hilarious - what a genius you are. :)
    (Which proves that you rightly should be the leader of Can-Merica)

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  14. dixon.maryOctober 1, 2013 at 1:16 PM

    Sooo....the Government shut down today. Time to make your move!

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  15. Heather DixonOctober 1, 2013 at 4:08 PM

    @Mary - I shall begin by Shanghai-ing the teleprompter keyboard. I don't what I'll have Mr. President say but it will definitely have the words "Hokey Pokey" in it.

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  16. AnonymousOctober 3, 2013 at 7:16 PM

    In Entwined, were the girl's nightgowns black, too? I love your book and your blog. You are amazing.

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  17. Heather DixonOctober 4, 2013 at 6:53 AM

    @Anony 7:16 - Oh you #^_^# I imagined the girls's nightgowns (and undies, come to that) remaining undyed white.

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  18. HeatherNovember 11, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    How am I just seeing this post? LOVED IT. I fully expect to be part of your administration.

    And Bill Nye...Yeah...I don't know. I mean, him doing the samba? Nooooooo!!!!

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  19. morelightthanburdenNovember 21, 2013 at 10:08 AM

    So, I've been giving this a lot of thought . . . enticing Mounties into a Child Catcher wagon? I'm guessing this would have to involved wounded moose (mossi, mossae, Meese?) or maidens singing whimsically. Can't decide which.

    Also, talking heads in nightmares? Awesome!! I want to know what they said . . .

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  20. ChelsSeptember 11, 2014 at 4:46 PM

    I'm just now getting with the program, and can I say your blog is spectacular? I've spent hours going through blog posts (sounds stalker-ish, but I swear, it's not). The poem was awesome, the illustrations hilarious, but seriously your comments about Bill Nye made me laugh out loud. That's EXACTLY how I felt when I heard he'd be on DWTS. I suppose I thought he'd be making science videos until the end of time.
    Oh, and btw I'm a huge fan of Entwined (which is how I found this blog).
    Thanks for making my day so much better!

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  21. Heather DixonSeptember 18, 2014 at 1:19 PM

    @Chels - Hahaha! Thank you ^_^ Yeah did you see any of his dances? They were just awful...and AMAZING!

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