Monday, May 23, 2011

The Dance of...Love...

Many people don't know this, but I'm silver certified in both Latin & Standard dance.

I'm not real good at it, though. This is, possibly, because I was born with a peg leg.
I don't really want to talk about it.

Anyway, because of this pairing up in dance class was hard. I told myself it was because the guys were shallow, but looking back, I realize it was probably because of Charlie.
Actually I'm pretty sure it was because of Charlie.

HOWEVER this did not stop me from entering a rumba contest! The rumba is known as the dance of love. I don't know why. It hurts like Hades to do.
However I'm always up for a challenge and I feel it a crime to hide the world from my bota fogos!

Also, it was assigned.


The teacher lined us up in rows, girls on one side, and boys on the other, gave us numbers, and randomly matched us.When they got to the best dancer in the class, MY NAME WAS CALLED!! He went like this:
Of course when I saw that, I went like this:So both of us were like this:We got an hour of classtime to practice. It went real well.Oh yes. He was one of those dancers.
That hour was like slitting my wrists and doing pushups in the Great Salt Lake. I had had enough. I didn't care if I flunked the class. I was outta there.However I have a lot of stamina and determination and felt I should continue on!

The next few days, I was on FIRE.
I got new dancing shoes. I practiced in front of the mirror.I went to a dance lab with my partner and practiced for HOURS and lost my favorite earring (and no, he didn't tell me I was New Yorkering around with only one earring in.)

When I found the earring, it had been squashed flat and looked like this:And no I am not still bitter about this!

Competition night came as I finished my custodial shift. I rushed to the ballroom to discover it PACKED. There were about 300 couples there.*
*ballroom dance is like a religion at BYU.

AWESOME. THE PRIZE WAS GONNA BE HUGE!!!
Throughout every heat, I was a dancing queen! My hip action was impeccable! My rhythm was beyond reproach!
I even pretended to like my partner!*
*this was hard

So when the winners were announced on the projector--
Yes, it was true. We had won 4th place.

(!!!!)

They lined up the winners
And gave us our prizes.They were...

candybars.I picked out my bar and stared at it.

It seemed to get bigger.
And bigger...And then the world turned red.RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!
RAAAARGH!!!RAAAAAARGH!!!
RAAAWWRRAAAAWRAAAAWRRR!!!
Well.

Ok.

That might have been...a little different than...what...actually happened.

What actually happened:
And then I walked home in the rain.
You may think that this has been a Very Sad Story with a Very Sad Ending. However, you would BE WRONG.

This story has a very HAPPY ending:
My partner and I avoided each other like the plague after that. I never had to dance with him again!

And I got an A in the class.

And the reese's wasn't bad I guess.

So all in all, not bad for a girl with a peg leg.
at

36 comments:

  1. Jeff CallMay 23, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    Having done some ballroom myself, this situation seems pretty accurate. And hilarious.

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  2. DrewMay 23, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    Ha ha haaa, I love it. I literally LOLed.

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  3. P. Daniel QuinneyMay 23, 2011 at 3:20 PM

    I think any story with a pet squirrel is totally win. Charlie needs more face time, I say! Charlie the Squirrel for President!

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  4. Jenilyn CollingsMay 23, 2011 at 3:27 PM

    This is SO funny. Ballroom dance is rather like a religion at BYU. My brother was on the tour team and it was CRAZY. I was, uh, less good at dancing, but I did once place sixth with a guy that I'd never met before that night (my original partner had to go to a church meeting and dumped me with some guy in his ward). We couldn't even make it through the routine before we went out to compete. I still don't know how we did so well, but that candy bar did taste great! :)

    Where can I get myself a Charlie?

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  5. Logan PearsallMay 23, 2011 at 3:29 PM

    you are a brilliant storyteller!
    so funny.

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  6. JulesMay 23, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    How dare you make me LOL at work! Just kidding, please do it as often as you please.

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  7. Aaron LudwigMay 23, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    This should be made into a feature film.

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  8. JulieMay 23, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. The Seventh-Born ChroniclesMay 23, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    If I was doing all that work with a guy I didn't even like to begin with and all I got was a candybar at the end, I'd a gone beserk too.
    Brilliant story-telling. It made me smile just reading it. :)

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  10. Nick CMay 23, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    I agree with Aaron, and if you ever do, let me know. I am more than willing to point you in the direction of a local Digital Orchestrator :) :D This really made me LOL

    As did your bug one >.>

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  11. Cialina at Muggle-Born.netMay 24, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    Hahaha! Thank you. :) This made my morning!

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  12. Megan K. BickelMay 24, 2011 at 7:17 AM

    Awesome! I totally enjoyed it!

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  13. GabappleMay 24, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Heather. I love you. :)

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  14. Jon LankryMay 25, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    hahahah hilarous !!

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  15. Shinobi JimMay 25, 2011 at 12:19 PM

    I laughed so hard! I want to start adding drawings to my stories, I absolutely love your method of delivery.

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  16. Chris CormierMay 25, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    Great emotive drawings and fantastic storytelling! I love your work! :)

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  17. Erik BensonMay 28, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    I like this story AND this blog! Nice to internet meet you Heather and thanks for the comments.

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  18. Keisha O.May 28, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    This is awesome! I love the way you tell stories!

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  19. Bianca BeneduciMay 28, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    hilarious!!! :)

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  20. Tristi PinkstonMay 29, 2011 at 2:35 PM

    I'm laughing my head off. You seriously rock.

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  21. BrittanyJune 2, 2011 at 10:27 PM

    Ha ha ha! I can see it so clearly, and I don't think there was much exaggeration. Hard core dancers are sc-a-ry! Loved it! Thanks for the smile!

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  22. AnonymousJune 4, 2011 at 10:23 AM

    first time coming to your blog but awesome story hahahah got me smiling and good humor

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  23. Meridth McKean GimbelJune 8, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    You are hilarious! And love the art too. Yay.

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  24. Hermana MawJune 10, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    So very, very funny. I went on a dance date with a dance guy at BYU. I'm pretty sure he thought I was all wrong, too. I sure could have used a squirrel. LOL.

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  25. paperflowerJune 19, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    That was HILARIOUS!!! I can totally picture the whole thing in my mind! I love the squirrel that lives in your leg by the way! Awesome!! You are too funny! Also I didn't know you were certified in those dances! Cool!!

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  26. Chantele SedgwickJuly 1, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    Oh my gosh! I am laughing so hard right now! HILARIOUS!! :D

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  27. UnknownJuly 6, 2011 at 9:35 PM

    Oh my gosh... you kill me. So funny... I am crying. Stupid boys. Stupid dancing. Thank goodness there is chocolate. : ) YUM!

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  28. degeforsJuly 8, 2011 at 11:18 AM

    wow, that was hilarious! Very inspirational approach to using blogging and storytelling as a means of practicing art and drawing. Brilliant!

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  29. AlyoshaJuly 8, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    You're awesome. I danced at BYU too and those dance labs were always a riot.

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  30. Eric and JillAugust 1, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    As everyone else said, You are hilarious. My friend had just recommended your book Entwined. I read it through in a day and then flipped it over and reread it again. Amazing work and talent. I really hope you get time between all your incredible talents to write another one. Good, wholesome and just overall happy authors are getting harder to find. THanks for sharing your talents!!

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  31. Heather DixonAugust 2, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    @Eric & Jill - Hurrah! I'm so glad you liked it #^_^#

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  32. AnonymousDecember 28, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    Um... you're kind of hilarious XD THIS IS WHY you need to write another book! Please do! Pretty please!!!! :D

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  33. HZackMarch 9, 2013 at 10:26 PM

    Oh I know what you mean about rumba. I trained in classical ballet and tap for most of my life, so Latin dances (specifically samba and rumba) are Hades for me to do. Dancing with partners who don't want to dance with you isn't all that great, either.
    P.S.- I love your blog! Your stories are SO funny, and the drawings make them even more so!

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  34. AnonymousMarch 25, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    Do you really have a peg leg? :O

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  35. Heather DixonMarch 26, 2013 at 3:04 PM

    @anony 11:04 - I wish I did. It would be nice to have a furry friend be with me every minute of the day *sniff*

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  36. BirgitApril 21, 2014 at 1:22 PM

    Heather, we are practically twins. I am also silver certified in both Latin & Standard dance. (I can also tap dance, not to talk about clogging, too, but I disgress...)

    Thanks for posting this -- you never fail to make me smile (again and again, because I have to admit that I had read the story before, but it's too good not to come back).

    PS: Have you ever thought of writing a script for a Hollywood comedy movie? You should think about that. Your humor rocks!

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