In the meantime...
A week or so ago, I saw my 11-year-old cousin perform in his school play, "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." It was adorable.
He played Caleb.
During the scene changes I got to thinking. I got to thinking, how much cooler would the play be if it was switched around? If it was Seven Brothers for Seven Brides??
I can see this going places. Right now...it's going on my blog!
Starring: Abigail, Bathsheba, Chastity, Dorcus, Eve, Faith, and Grace.
Who wouldn't want to marry them?
So, these ladies live out in the middle of nowhere on a farm, raising pigs and such, independent, strong-willed, and most definitely not needing any men.
Until...
EEEEEEEEP!
Abigail surmises the spider situation.
What's a girl to do??
I'll tell you what's a girl to do. A girl's to get a gun and a burlap sack, that's what a girl's to do.
Shhh....
And on the other side of town...
And then.
Why do I think this is so funny?? I'm a horrible person.
The Escape!
I'm not quite sure what happens after this, or how it will all end. I like it to think it'll be like the play--they all fall in love with their kidnappers and live happily ever after.
In a horrible twisted way, it's kind of sweet.
Or it could have ending number 2:
After the long winter the boys get an attorney and sue the holy carp out of the ladies for the terrible emotional trauma they were put through.
I don't like that ending very much.
How about ending number 3??
Everyone bands together to fight off the army of massacring spiders! Danger! Excitement! Romance! In this epic 8-hour adventure of love and war!
(This ending is my favorite.)
And, ending number 4:
The spiders eat all of them.
I don't like that ending AT ALL. :(
What ending is your favorite? Or is there an ending that's even better than all of these? I must hear it.
Ha! This is hilarious! I think I like the third ending best.
ReplyDeleteThis is a movie I definitely want to see. (The spider parts might give me nightmares, though.)
ReplyDeleteI vote for Ending 1 for the Hollywood version, and then Ending 3 for the inevitable Bollywood remake. :-D
I know I already said this on Pinterest, but I LOVE this post. It's a bajillion times better than the orginal (ick). And ending #3, FTW.
ReplyDeleteDang it, ORIGINAL. I guess I was still thinking in the brides' backwoods talk when I typed my comment.
ReplyDeleteFantastic! I pick...all the endings! Choose your own adventure! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is briljant! I'll go for ending #3
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I DIED laughing.
ReplyDeleteI think that's how I am going to get a date now....
HAHAHHAHAHAHA
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ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post!!!!!!!!!! It made me and my 7 brothers laugh so hard.............
ReplyDeleteOh, and although I got a kick out of all of them, I like the Hollywood ending! It's just so sweet! :)
I love your blog posts so much, sometimes I think you should be a children's book author and illustrator.
ReplyDeletethen I get to the end of a blog post where there's kidnapping and spider murder and I start to change my mind a little.
Haha! This is hilarious! I like ending #3 the best, but #2 and #4 made me laugh the most so there you go. :D
ReplyDeleteending #2 sounds pretty amusing :P
ReplyDeleteLove it!!! I think 3 is the best ending. They should do some impressive dancing while they are destroying the spiders.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read your blog I think "this is the BEST POST EVER!!"
ReplyDeleteLove this!
perhaps this new rendition would be called seven stud for seven sisters.
ReplyDeleteThis is my FAVORITE post ever in the history of all time. I know I say that a lot, but this time I MEAN IT
ReplyDeleteOK, so within the past few months, I watched "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" AND "The Naked Jungle," both for the first time, so this totally cracked me up. I've got to pick ending #3, only because I wasn't expecting much from "The naked Jungle," but actually enjoyed the lush melodrama of it, and THIS would make a great sequel! (Question, would a bride in this version also marry her spouse via proxy?)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I must mention how odd the German title of "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers" is. Why? Well, it's "A Bride For Seven Brothers." Well, yeah, depending on the seven brothers this one bride might have been very lucky. Or not. Whatever!
ReplyDeleteHeather, your version should be made into a film -- preferably the 8-hour-version with ending # 3. I expect lots of singing and dancing, too. Glee in the West so to speak. With touches of Arachnophobia. Maybe the spider could sing and dance, too?
Hugs,
Birgit
PS: Am I the only one with a "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers" DVD on the shelf?
PSS: Am I the only one who sang "Lonesome Polecat" while reading this post?
Definitely ending #3! That is so epic,-classic-dramatic-ish... I'd actually love to see it! Especially in Technicolor! I love just about anything in Technicolor. It was the made the most fantabulous color films ever.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your imagination!!! :-)
Elizabeth
Utterly perfect. You not only deconstructed the original by gender-flipping it, but also deconstructed the gender-flip!
ReplyDeleteI remember the marabuntu reference in your post about PlayPlace layers, so I was glad to see another Naked Jungle shout-out!
I love Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, just like I always loved the 12 Dancing Princesses. You do such a great job writing, that I will read whatever you publish next, spider battle or no spider battle.
ReplyDeleteOh, you hilarious girl! This is a play I could get behind! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou've asked us for aNOTHER ending, so challenge accepted, here's my #5:
ReplyDeleteThe brides and brothers(in-law, or soon to be in-laws...luckily one of them has a mail-in certificate ordaining him to be a bon-a-fide clergy, counselor, pastor, and sanitation-inspector {it's a hilarious scene, practically writes itself} and can thus perform the mountain nuptials to prevent anyone from living {or dying, remember the spiders!} in sin) #anyway they all get up the mountain and married ("hitched" and some pun about the wagon is made and hilarity ensue for 3/4 of a scene) and then...
The spiders
are
GONE
The homestead
is
DEATHLY QUIET
The young lovers, surprised at the absence of the very enemy for which they were brought together are disoriented and confused. They begin to question their choices and their relationships... even their marriages... What is the point and purpose of it all...
And why does everything feel so creepy?
Faith has a thought (first time for everything...): "It's because we ain't had no funeral for Dorcus, after she done 'n' got eaten her face off by spiders. But now that mah hubby's a preacher, he can done and do it, chan't ya, Ebenezer?"
Eve: "Wait, I thought I married Ebony-ezer!"
[extended bit here-variations on this theme, maybe Bathsheba also thought she married him, maybe there are 2, nay, 3! Ebenezer's in the crowd -- it writes itself]
Abigail (breaking up the fight: "Hold up girls--Dorcus wuz with us in the wagon, we don't need to burry her! She was the one who waz bearking like a dern dog in town"
"Well then who died? We ought to have a funereal for them anyways, we do have a parson now..."
[confusion, long story short: ZOMBIES]
Long story slightly longer: Sister gets eaten by killer Zombies, dies, but comes back as the Living Dead ("Them Weren't No Ordinary Spiders!") follows her sisters into town, seeks revenge on them and their new husbands (she was hiding under one of the sheets if you look closely!!! #plottwist)
It practically writes itself.
@DrPsyPhi - GASP!! ZOMBIES!! Why didn't I think of that??
ReplyDeleteOk, #5 ending is my favorite. This play would be so much cooler with the apocalyptic undead!